Do it Yourself Shakespeare

Hello, I’m Joe Shakespeare. William “The Bard” Shakespeare was surely some distant relative of mine. I am setting up a blog wherein we can update some of my family’s timeless material. The first line in each set is from William, the second line is likely to be mine, and the rest of you can add in others. Please respond using the number of the line listed. Only one rule – keep it clean. To make the lawyers happy (see # 39), all these starter lines from William came from the website www.enotes.com.

1) William: If music be the food of love, play on
Joe: If it be rhubarb, though, please shut your pie hole.
C):
D):

2) William: The winter of our discontent
Joe: Has been replaced by the autumn of our clinical depression.
C):
D):

3) William: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark
Joe: The state of New Jersey is no perfumery, either.
C):
D):

4) William: The fault, Dear Brutus, is not in our stars
Joe: Chicks just aren’t drawn to our Subaru station wagon.
C):
D):

5) William: What light through yonder window breaks?
Joe: OK, it’s the glow off Bill’s new plasma widescreen. Cool!
C):
D):

6) William: My words fly up, my thoughts remain below
Joe:
Lavon5: So I’m a man – sue me!
D):

7) William: Alas, poor Yorick hath a lean and hungry look
Joe: Too much Slim-Fast, methinks.
C):
D):

8) William: Thou art a votary of fond desire
Joe: I don’t know either, but it sounds real romantical, don’t it?
C):
D):

9) William: Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps
Joe:
Lavon5): And some with wedding rings – Oh, hi honey!
D):

10) William: Come, let’s away to prison. We two alone will sing
Joe: Some jaunty prison tunes.
C):
D):

11) William: Eye of newt, and toe of frog
Joe: So that’s how they make hummus!
C):
D):

12) William: All the infections that the sun sucks up
Joe: Have been deposited here at your family reunion.
C):
D):

13) William: Give me my robe, put on my crown
Joe: And hand me the remote – it’s time for Grey’s Anatomy!
C):
D):

14) William: The man that hath no music in himself
Joe: Will still try out for American Idol again next year.
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D):

15) William: When beggars die, there are no comets seen
Joe: When mimes die, spontaneous parties break out all over town.
C):
D):

16) William: Not that I lov’d Caesar less
Joe: But that I loved garlic ranch more.
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D):

17) William: I have a kind of alacrity in sinking
Joe: It’s the part of an ocean cruise that I hate the most.
C):
D):

18) William: Tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow
Joe: Thursday, though, Ryan Seacrest gets a night off.
C):
D):
19) William: To be, or not to be – that is the question
Joe: Also, where are the car keys?
C):
D):

20) William: Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind.
Joe: Except for Tyra Bank’s “America’s Next Model” show.
C):
D):

21) William: Out, damned spot!
Joe: Puff the cat needs to go out, as well.
C):
D):

22) William: Hath not a Jew eyes?
Joe:
Lavon 5): How did Borat get into this conversation?
D):

23) William: I follow him to serve my turn upon him
Joe: If that makes me a stalker, well OK then.
C):
D):

24) William: A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!
Joe: Or, a classic Harley, if we’re fresh out of horses.
C):
D):

25) William: Is whispering nothing?
Joe: Do “footsies” under the table not count for anything?
C):
D):

26) William: I will buy with you, sell with you, talk with you
Joe: But I simply refuse to go to that Barry Manilow concert.
C):
D):

27) William: What’s gone and what’s past help
Joe:
Lavon5): My Rogaine and Viagra prescriptions have both expired.
D):

28) William: Cakes and ale
Joe: That’s how I got on the “Bigger Loser” finale.
C):
D):
29) William: Thrift, thrift, Horatio
Joe: Dollar Stores will someday be on every corner – trust me!
C):
D):

30) William: What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
Joe: Could, in Kenya, be called a shezblat.
C):
D):

31) William: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio
Joe: Than even “The Planet” DVD series can hope to cover.
C):
D):

32) William: Parting is such sweet sorrow
Joe: Leave now, though, and I’ll see if I can remember you tomorrow.
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D):

33) William: Frailty, thy name is woman
Joe: Except for the ladies of the WWF!
C):
D):

34) William: Beware the Ides of March
Joe: April 15 is no hayride, either.
C):
D):

35) William: A method in the madness
Joe:
C):.
D):

36) William: Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie
Joe: But I still pay my therapist $80 an hour to drag them out of me.
C):
D):

37) William: A blinking idiot
Joe:
Lavon5): Sorry Dave, but I can’t open that cargo door (2001: A Space Odyssey)
D):

38) William: A hit, a very palpable hit
Joe: And they don’t even have a rude British judge on the show!
C):
D):

39) William: First, let’s kill all the lawyers
Joe:
C):
D):

40) William: Make mad the guilty, and appall the free
Joe: Was that OJ’s second trial, or the first one?
C):
D):

41) William: Put money in thy purse
Joe: To buy thou and me a pizza later
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D):

42) William: Sweets to the sweet
Joe: But turn into a cow, and I’ll drop you like a hot baked potato.
C):
D):

43) William: Too much of a good thing
Joe:
Lavon5): Makes me happy
D):

44) William: Get thee to a nunnery!
Joe:
C):
D):